I know how much you love blog posts with video. Stick with me...or scroll down real fast.
I began writing this blog over a year ago at a time when I thought the spontaneity of my life was interesting and all of the whacky goings-on in the Suitcase House were worthy of sharing. I wanted other people to see a real person, who is living through her "How the hell did I get here?" years and realize it wasn't all that bad. Hmmm.
I used to be (sorta) cool. I occasionally went out to dinner. I'd say my clothes were at least above average on the style bell curve. I had witty things to say. I could actually hold an interesting conversation that didn't include my sales pitch on how you REALLY can't taste the spinach in a green smoothie or recipes I've tried in my crock pot.
But tonight, I had what Oprah would call an ah-ha moment: The former Ali is gone. She might be hiding in the belly roll that flops over my shorts. This new Ali is lame and boring.
This evening, I left the kids with their sick father to go to the grocery store for bread and milk. I feel compelled to say "a loaf of bread, a container of milk and a stick of butter" here. Children of the 80's! Who's with me? Sesame Street in the HOUSE!
So the grocery store... I'm wearing my hair in my regular pony tail, no makeup other than a half assed swipe of lipstick I put on in the parking lot. I had my glasses on because I'm too scared to wear my contacts because we've been infested with pinkeye this week. YES, my life is that awesome. My get-up was topped off with a green tank top with my bra straps showing and a pair of khaki shorts I bought at my favorite boutique, Costco.
And here, my friends, is where I hit an all time low. I am a dork. No getting around it. Why I felt compelled to embark on this conversation and impart my infinite wisdom on a disinterested, yet polite participant, I do not know.
But rather than telling you what happened, I had Ryan recreate it with me for your viewing pleasure. Let me set the scene: Publix at 8:00 p.m. Ali enters the express lane with truly less than 10 items (a departure from the 12 I usually try to sneak through). Check out boy looks like the chubby kid from Two and a Half Men.